What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
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