you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
We're not piercing ourselves today.
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
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