at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
Randomize
