New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
