Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
PS: I just woke up from my shower
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
