I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
Randomize
