I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
Randomize
