Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
Randomize
