At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
Randomize
