It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
Randomize
