I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
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I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
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I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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