So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
Randomize
