I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
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