I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
Randomize
