my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
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