I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
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