If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
Randomize
