I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
