Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Randomize
