You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
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Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
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If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
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