ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
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