Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
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