I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
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