i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
