dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
