She is in my trunk
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
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He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
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