it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
