Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
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