OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
