my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
Randomize
