Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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