Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
I had to cum in my sink.
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
