So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Randomize
