pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
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