Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
Randomize
