There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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