im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
Randomize
