Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
Randomize
