Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
