Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
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