He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
