My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
Still dying that you shit outside
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
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