just come out here and I will go home with you...
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
My balls are so social today.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Randomize
