did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
Randomize
