i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
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