I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
Randomize
