He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
