I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
Randomize
