There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
His nipple licking is glorious
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