Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Randomize
