ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
Randomize
