Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize
