Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
Randomize
