If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
Dude my mom stole all your condoms
The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
Randomize
