im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
Randomize
