walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
Randomize
