bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
So there's 10 guys in this picture..I've made out with 5 of them. does this make me a slut?
eh 50% isn't bad..i'd say 80% is slut material.
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we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
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It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
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