I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
Randomize
