I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
Randomize
