I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Randomize
