i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Randomize
