Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
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