he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
You peed on a flamingo?!?
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
Randomize
